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im backk Friday. 5.25.07 9:09 am im gonna start writin in this thing to get my feelings out. But first lemme update you guys on shit.... I work at tops now..which is pretty good.. i work 12:30-9:00pm today I work in the deli part..its cool. I'm 18 now, and live in Elmira again. and been livin here for over a year. Friends...well i dont have many now. like i talk to most of em, but dont chill wid em. My dad has cancer and he is fightin through it, well trying too. My aunt only has half a lung workin, one kidney workin, and doesent have half the blood ur supposed to have. She signed herself out the hospital and said she is gonna die, so she wants to do it at home. It scares the fuck out of me. With all the stress im in, i dont think i can go through a death. I dropped out of school, but im tryin to go back... workin on paperwork and shit. I dont have a permanant place to live, im stayin with my father. All high school bitches are tricks, and idk why i get myself caught up with em. Now time to really talk... I'm gettin really depressed in this fuckin town.. i really fuckin hate it. I wanna move up to skaneateles But i have no place to live up there n i doubt my grandparents would take me back in. I dont wanna leave cause my dads not doin soo good, and my aunt is doin real bad and i have this feelin that she will pass soon. I hope she doesent... cause she is one of the only two aunts i have left, that really care for me. And plus i have a really good job. But then again, I am gettin wayy depressed in this town. Everything in my life is fuckin up. I lost quite a few friends for no reason really, and i lost the girl i was recently madd good friends with. Now i aint got shit. I have no place to live, nuthin in this town. I just wanna break down n cry, but i cant because i feel i have to be strong, so i fake this smile on my face to not be asked many questions and people worry bout me. I'm not gonna do nuthin stupid cause i already went through that and i realized that was not the right thing. I dont wanna be in a psych center either. These school plans here arent goin as planned, my dad has to sign this paper but he wont cause im not really livin with him. uughh I also have to pay this fuckin bill due to one of my parents usin my name for somethin..and i dont want bad credit, so i godda pay that next week. Not that i have the money to spend on bills from somethin i never had. i dont know, my lifes all kinds of fucked up.. i dont think i really deserve it either.. but hey maybe i do... oh well, i guess im gonna go shower and get ready for work. not that i wanna go. but i need the money. ill write some time. 2 Comments. Welcome back.. So sorry about your father and aunt. I know things are kind of bad right now, but if you are determined, you can turn it all around. It won't be easy, obviously. Just gotta keep trying. » Southern on 2007-05-26 01:43:13 I've been in a very similair situation and I know it can really sucj but what can ya really do? I dealt with mine for awhile but I eventually moved and I am much happier though that doesnt mean it will be right for you » lyndeep on 2007-06-05 05:40:35
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